On Preparing for the Future and Living the Moment

A few years ago, I succumbed to despair. I saw my future to be bleak, given the apparently inevitable immutability of the present. It was until somebody pushed me to believe in my power to turn things around that my perspective changed. 

This somebody made me believe that the future need not be bleak. And then her presence naturally flowed from being merely a cause for the reframing of my thinking, to being integral to the very constitution of the future that I wanted to build.

And then I messed up. Aware of the drastic difference between the future and the present, my attention was almost entirely consumed by the task of transforming the future. I failed to live the present moment. I failed to give the present, concrete her the time she currently deserves. 

And so she rightly recognized that the waiting game is now way too much. Much happened. It is clear, at least, that the very fabric of the future that I have been working for has been torn.

It seems, I fear, that I am descending back into that primordial hell. Perhaps, I should just let things be. The fabric has been torn. And I have lost the will to mend it.